Being Anonymous
In the privacy of my home sitting in front of my computer, there is a sense of anonymity. I know it's not really anonymous, but it feels that way. My fingers have become the gateway to unlocking a deluge of thoughts.
.
Often when I'm here I simply want to play and have fun with words. Yet at other times my heart is overwhelmed with emotions and I pour those into my writing. I sense there is both a fun loving child and a responsible adult pushing my hand. The child and adult are equal scramblers for freedom, yet the adult is infinitely more cautious as to what should be revealed in words.....'You shouldn't write that.....People will see too much...It's going to be hurtful'.
.
Am I going to hurt anyone? Hopefully not. I consider my words as I write them sensing there's a possibility that they may not be received well, but hoping against hope that they will be. So do I really write to be anonymous? In a way yes and in a way no. I still want to be heard.
.
Writing has provided an opportunity to peek into my heart and that can be a little disconcerting. Yet at the same time there is a side that says 'please look'....and if you look, there is a wish that is attached and it generally beckons 'please care'.
.
I've been blessed (yes, I consider it a blessing) with a mind that can run amuck with voiceless thoughts impatiently waiting to be heard. Consequently, the havoc is similar to Aladdin's Genie escaping from the bottle when I sit in front of my computer.
.Undoubtedly I will feel the responsible adult tug at my cautionary sleeve insisting that the Genie be put back into the bottle to be granted freedom only if certain parole conditions are met.
.
1. You shall NOT sound melancholy for days in a row.
2. You shall NOT let others know that often you are unhappy.
3. You shall NOT let it be known that you can feel intense love and anger equally.
4. You MUST intersperse those negative writings with words that are positive and socially acceptable.
.
....and the list builds.
.It has been said that a picture is worth a thousand words....yet often it seems words are beyond the scope of pictures....'Love' . What picture could ever depict the fullness of love?
.
I am allowing the torrent of my thoughts to weep, to laugh, to feel pain, to ponder, to reflect, to be wrong. It's just thinking... and if that includes fantasizing a life without a spouse, kids or laundry, that's ok! ....as is opening my heart in words.
.
Writing is sheer beauty!
.I have granted my thoughts a voice on paper or wherever they find a place to rest....and when thoughts have been given a voice, they contentedly wisp into the air or linger to create.
1 comment:
Oh, honey.....that was beautiful. I just heard the writer Ann Lamott say that when she writes or when she gives a writing course she always uses this standard - "Write what you want to find when you read someone else's writing." How delighted and satisfied we are when we read what we already feel but have been afraid to say...someone else had the guts to say it....or the integrity to be real...this post has encouraged me. Funny, I have really been thinking of closing up my blogspot. If I'm writing for myself then I should be able to quit anytime I want, right? Blogging has a way of opening up a vein that I don't often open in a written journal but like you say,,,should I really say what I'm thinking and feeling? I would rather retreat and disconnect. I may do the latter for awhile but I won't make that decision today. In the meantime I stand on the sidelines and shout, "You go, girl!" You have such a gift.
Post a Comment