Right now my life seems like a slow motion tennis match.
On one side of the net I am standing with Al. He's fighting
to stay well. I am looking around for a racket so I
can help him.....but there is nothing for me to grasp
and my hands feel helplessly empty.
On the other side is our opponent, cancer.....
unrestrained, dancing, swirling...I watch
the ball go slowly back and forth.....
Well.....not well......well.......not well.....well......
We were prepared for the worst in July, yet received good
news from the CTscan. The cancer was there, but slow moving
and we were able to sit back and wait for it to creep
into areas it didn't belong before smacking it
down with another round of chemo.
But Al has been in a lot of pain lately.
Lower back pain amongst other concerns.
He's been so stalwart and strong throughout the past year,
but this time he's worried. He just 'feels' something is wrong.....
and a ten day stint of antibiotics didn't help alleviate his fears.
Once again he went to the Doctor and had an x-ray and
blood test done and so we will wait again for the results.
The ball goes back and forth.....back and forth......
1 comment:
Sheila,
Your post was to the heart. I feel the same way and long to be able to do something to make it all better. What I have learned is, this is bigger than us. It is out of our league and we as humans have entered into that realm of the game that is the mystery. That is what breaks our hearts we simply do not understand.
We are seeing this event unfold before us as Paul said, "through a dark glass trying to see clearly what we cannot see". One side of us says "yes", I have faith while the other side says "no" let's be real about this. What a predicament we find ourselves in. While these two feelings are at war, they actually blend together into a single experience that is what one person called "the awesomeness of being human." I don't think we can avoid these mixed feelings. They are what we are. The only clear direction is to keep having persistent faith in God in every area of your life. These events do not happen to erase our faith, but to prove it within ourselves.
My thoughts are hard to fit into simple words but this is one weeping heart expressing to another. Thanks for opening up in public (blog). When ever I open myself up like this it feels like I'm taking off my cloths in public.
Bob
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